Paddy, 21 – Dublin
Where were you born?
Dublin. When did you first become aware of circumcision? The only penis I had seen other than my own was my Dad's when we went swimming and I he looked the same as I did only bigger and hairier. I don't even remember seeing my older brothers as I think in Ireland, or at least in my family it is common to be very, very shy about nudity. I remember this changed when I was 7 years old and in Primary School. My class were brought swimming once a week. We would walk down to the local pool and quickly get out of our uniforms and down to our speedos or speedo shorts. For some reason we all wore our swimming trunks under our uniform, perhaps so we could get the most amount of time in the pool. It's funny because at aged 7 I don't remember any of us commenting on the girls and what they were wearing or how they looked. I just remember 17 lads getting down to our speedos and into the pool. I remember swimming for an hour and then heading back to the changing rooms. It was a large room with wooden benches and where we had thrown our bags. There was another smaller square room with 8 shower heads and everyone was seemed slightly excited about the showers. There was a roar of shouting and singing as we got into the changing room. There was no shame or embarrassment, everyone stripped off and got into the shower room. 17 lads and 8 shower heads. It was loud and wet and I remember our teacher shouting in the door to tell us to be quiet. One lad, Sean, looked different to the rest of us. His willy had a purple head. Someone asked what was "wrong with him" and he answered that he had an operation when he was a baby on his willy. There was no smart comments or bullying, there was just the question and Sean's response. He answered firmly and that was it. The rest of us looked the same. I don't remember anyone being smaller or larger, I just remember for the next three years there were 16 uncut lads in the showers and 1 cut lad. All of us had foreskins and Sean didn't. It was until I was 10 that I realised that Sean was circumcised and that I would be the next boy in our class to be circumcised. Are any members of your family circumcised? My older brother and Dad are uncut. I know this because we went swimming together a lot when I was a kid. As a teenager I learned that two of my younger male cousins had to go to hospital for an operation when they were 10 or 11, and both were circumcised although I have never seen them. I think my parents told me so I could talk to my younger cousins about my experience, but I was too shy to talk to them. At what age were you circumcised? I was 10 years old. "I rather quickly dropped my towel and pulled my jocks on when he said, 'you're circumcised'" What is the main reason you were circumcised?
I remember being 8 years old when I started getting erections. They felt really good, but also really painful. By the time I was 10 I was getting erections all the time and they always hurt. I would get them in bed while sleeping and they would wake me up. When I went to the toilet I often found it hard to pee. I would stand at the urinal in school or over the toilet at home and would really need to pee, but it wouldn't come out, and when it did, it would fly off in a weird direction. When I was 9, my best friend and I would spend all day out in the woods behind our houses and when we had played football or cycled for a few hours one of us would say "I need to piss" and we would stand behind a tree and piss, except I would only dribble or fly off in a weird direction while my mate Eoin's would start be a long stream straight into the roots of the tree. Eoin and I were uncut, and yet I still had problem's peeing when he didn't. I didn't understand that there was something wrong until I was 10. One morning I stood at the toilet and tried to pee, but nothing came out. I was desperate to pee and I just stood there looking at my willy in my hand begging to pee but nothing was happening. I pulled up my boxers and went back to the bedroom I shared with my brother and five minutes later I was so desperate to pee again that I went back. I stood at the toilet for so long, my older brother banged on the door and said "stop playing with yourself, I need to piss". This went on for much of the day and only dribbles of pee came out, often into my jocks. The next morning I was desperate to pee so I ran to the toilet and again I couldn't pee. Eventually I started crying and went back to bed. My Mam came into my room and asked me what was wrong. I was shy and didn't tell her for a while, but eventually I told her "I can't pee, there's something wrong with my willy". She called my Dad and he brought me into the toilet and I stood in my pyjamas with my willy in my hand as I tried to pee. Nothing was happening and I was embarrassed and felt totally awkward with him standing over my shoulder. I was crying and my Dad decided to bring me to the doctor. I don't remember much of the visit other than I had to pull my jeans and pants down to my knees whilst he pulled and prodded at my willy in front of my Dad. I felt small and ashamed and these two big men were looking at my broken willy. He referred me to the Children's Hospital where again I was faced with pulling my jeans and pants down. This time I remember the doctor wore blue scrubs and after touching and examining my willy he asked my Dad something. My Dad said yes and next minute four other doctors were in the room (I imagine they were junior doctors as they all looked much younger than the surgeon). I remember being moved to a ward where I had a bed and was surrounded my other kids. I was crying every now and then, but happy to be with other kids my age. A nurse came to my bed and said I needed to get changed into a hospital gown. She pulled the curtain around the bed and my Dad went outside. I took my clothes off, but left my boxers on and got into the gown. She came back with a porter and took me down in a lift to the theatres. A woman in a mask told me I was getting an operation and I would go to sleep. I had to count back from 10 and that was it. I woke up on the ward with my Dad sitting beside me. I felt sick, but didn't feel in pain. I was lying on my back in my gown on top of the bed. The nurse came to my bed and said I would spend the night and here were my boxers in a little plastic bag. I feel asleep and the next morning I was awakened by a nurse who said I could go home once I had a bath and could pee, but first she had to take out the tube. I had no idea what she was talking about because I didn't have any tubes in my wrists, only a plaster on my right hand. She pulled the curtain and pulled up my gown. My willy was covered in pink plaster and a tube was coming out the top of my willy. She said it wouldn't hurt, but it did. She pulled the curtain back and walked me to a room down the corridor. It was hard to walk that far, but I made it thanks to my Dad having his arm around my shoulders. She filled a bath and told me that the warm water would help to take the plasters off and that when I had them off I could come back to bed. There were four baths in the room and I took my gown off and awkwardly got into the bath. It was hot and steam was coming off the water, but when I got in, I still didn't want to pull the plasters off. By the time the plasters were off the steam had stopped and my Dad had to help me with the last of the plasters. My willy looked bloody, red and raw. It looked like no willy I had ever seen before. I felt as if my arm or leg had been cut off. Even though Sean from school was circumcised I felt what I had done, was different to him. I was traumatised and fainted as I left the bathroom and woke up to find anxious looking nurses over my bed and the kids in the kids in the other beds looking over in my direction. I was told I could I go home once I could pee, but I didn't know if I could, or if I could face looking at my willy again. But, I wanted to get out of the hospital so when I felt like I needed to pee I walked slowly to the toilet with my Dad and he watched as I held my cut willy in my hand and pissed. I remember looking at the ceiling, not wanting to look at my mutilated and deformed willy. |
I slept on the back seat of the car on the way home, and don't remember much of the next few days. I remember I got a week off school and had to wear no underwear and only loose tracksuit bottoms. I remember that every time I walked down the stairs my tracksuit would hit my raw cut willy and it would hurt. When I went back to school I still had wear loose boxers and still walked funny.
Are you happy about being circumcised? The honest answer is I was NOT happy about being circumcised for a number of years after I was cut. I was embarrassed and shy and felt different to the other lads I knew. My Dad and brother were uncut, and whilst one lad in my class was circumcised I still felt different, even to him, because he seemed so confident and happy about what he looked like. I gave up swimming in school and sat watching all the other kids doing what I had loved to do. I went swimming with my Dad and brother, but I always showered in my speedos and changed in the toilet and my Dad and brother seemed to respect this, and didn't make fun of me. When I went to secondary school everyone showered with shorts or boxers on, mostly because of puberty and shyness I assume, but I was happy none the less. It wasn't until I was 14 or 15 that I was happy, or perhaps better put, secure, about my circumcision. I still wasn't confident around other lads my age or any lad in the gym changing rooms, but I learned the word "circumcision" in school and didn't feel like I was the only circumcised lad anymore. Even though one boy was circumcised in my primary school I still felt different, even to him, but watching porn and masturbating made me feel happy that I was normal and that my penis was an enjoyable part of my body. I didn't see another circumcised penis until I was 18 in college gym showers and he was a much older man. It wasn't until then that I felt secure enough to shower without my shorts on, but even though I am often the only circumcised lad in the showers I am proud of my circumcision. I like how it looks. I like my size, and I like how I am in the minority of Irish men with a circumcised penis. I have never thought a girl would laugh or say anything negative about me being circumcised, and in fact they never have. My first girlfriend loved it and I suppose that gave me confidence. I think being circumcised has made me less sensitive, but luckily that has made me more confident to know that I can please a woman and I am not going to ejaculate before she has climaxed. Even though I said I am a bit of an exhibitionist now in the changing rooms. I do still have times where I get moments of insecurity. When I go to the gym or on a lads holiday with mates for the first time and I think in the back of my mind “what if someone slags me”, but that’s never happened. I think some men are concerned or curious about their size compared to others, whereas ever since I’ve been circumcised I’ve been more concerned or curious about whether lads are uncut or team helmet. What is the best and worst thing about being circumcised? In Ireland, being circumcised makes you different. When your mates find out you are cut from gym showers or PE showers, they slag you about it but really they all just want an excuse to look at it. When the slagging becomes public, the girls find out and they want to see it too, so it's the best of both worlds. I used to hate that it made my different, but now I feel that it makes me unique. Many people say that being circumcised makes you less sensitive, but I am happy I am circumcised. When I started masturbating before I was circumcised, at age 8 or 9 (I wasn't ejaculating obviously) it was so sensitive that I would enjoy it, but then it would hurt so much. I would rub it off the bed or the bath but it would hurt so much because it was so sensitive, I couldn't touch it and I could lie there and watch it. Since I was circumcised I have never worn boxers to bed. It was painful to wear them at the start, but I just got use to not wearing them, and didn't bother wearing boxers unless I was going to school. This was sometimes awkward as I shared a bedroom with my older brother, but I would hide myself as I got out of my trackies and got into bed. After I was circumcised and it healed I enjoyed masturbating. I didn't really know what masturbation was, I just knew that my brother called it "playing with yourself". I didn't know what a non-circumcised penis looked like, as it seemed everyone I saw in porn had a willy that looked like mine until I was around 14. This was when I saw my brother with an erection as we went to bed one night. He came out of the shower and didn't try to hide. In fact, he seemed proud of it, but I still remember thinking that while he was bigger and had more hair than I did I still like my own willy and felt that I was proud of it. Have you had any memorable conversations about circumcision with mates? It wasn't until I went to college that I realised other Irish men were circumcised too. By that stage I had a nickname from secondary school mates who called me "the Jew". I had a couple of friends from school who went to the same college as I did and they still called me the "Jew" at parties. It was funny but I had a few conversations with mates I had know as a teenager who asked me why I was called the "Jew", and I told them it was because I was circumcised. To my surprise, they told me they were circumcised too. Now I have realised that three of my best mates are circumcised too, and that's why whenever we showered as young teenagers we all kept our shorts on or were extra shy in the changing rooms. Recently, I was in the gym changing rooms when I noticed a man would often be in the changing rooms at the same time as me. One day when I was showering when I noticed him watching me. He was older, an African man, in his 30s perhaps. When I was finished showering I was towelling off at the edge of the showers when I noticed the African man looking at in the reflection of the mirror. I continued to towel and he continued to look, this made me feel awkward so and grabbed my shower gel, covered myself in my towel and went back to the bench with my gym bag. I can be sometimes a bit of an exhibitionist in the changing rooms, but I guess on this occasion the staring made me uncomfortable. Once I was back at the bench the man had stopped shaving and came into the bench area where we chatted about our gym routines as I had seen him a few times in the gym. I rather quickly dropped my towel and pulled my jocks on when he said, “you are circumcised”, to which I was shy but responded “yes”. I had never been asked that by a stranger before. It was after this point that he said that I shouldn’t be shy about being circumcised, as when he grew up every man was circumcised except him, and this made him shy. I did find the conversation awkward and didn’t really know what to say about it. Even though I have caught people glancing at my helmet it was strange to have a stranger ask me about it. If you had a son would you circumcise him?
The honest answer again is that I wouldn't circumcise him as a child unless a doctor told me it was necessary. I would take him swimming and I wouldn't be shy about the fact that I am circumcised, and I would educate him, but I would allow him to make his own decision when he is old enough. |